


Forgiveness

by JustCallMeGirlFriday



Series: Flung out into space [1]
Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: 1950s, F/F, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Racism, Period-Typical Sexism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 07:24:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6844786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustCallMeGirlFriday/pseuds/JustCallMeGirlFriday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a story about forgiveness. Forgiving others for hurting you. Forgiving yourself for hurting others. There are many steps to take to reach the forgiveness that your soul needs to be able to move forward. It is never easy to have true forgiveness. Welcome to the long road to forgiveness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You are my strength

"My angel." You softly brush the side of hair from her pale face. "My angel." You repeated.

"Carol?" She whispers.

"Oh darling. I didn't mean to awaken you." You whisper as you leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Go back to sleep."

"I don't want to." She fought the sleep. "I want to be here in this moment with you."

"I'll be here after you get a good sleep darling." You kiss her left eye; then her right eye. "I promise." You whisper.

Therese couldn't keep the concern; or slight mistrust from her eyes. You fought the raw hurt – but you managed too. You deserved these feelings from her. After all you just left her all alone in the middle of no where. Granted you made sure Abby would be there for her when she awoke. But you left her in a city that she had never been too before in her life. You abandoned her. With just a note.

She had been abandoned before. Without a note. But she was abandoned. Tossed aside like unwanted trash. In her eyes and heart you did the exact same thing when you left without talking to her. You left her naked and alone in a hotel room. With Abby silently watching her waiting for her to awaken. How must she had felt when she found Abby in the room when she awoken after a passionate night of love making. Instead of you. The woman whom she loved whole heartedly. The woman she trusted not to hurt her.

"You need your sleep also; Carol." She gently but firmly pointed out.

"I'm not tired darling." You whisper. "I love watching you sleep." You couldn't get enough of your angel. You feel like you could live just off the sight of her. You didn't need sleep. You just needed her.

"Carol." She frowned.

"My strength comes from you." You whisper as you lean down to meet her lips with your own. You deepen the kiss; but not enough to awaken your desire for her. Or to awaken her desire for you. She needed more rest. You nuzzle your nose gently against her cheek as you lifted your face from hers.

"Carol." She growled low in her voice. You knew that growl.

You sigh. "I just want to feast my eyes on you. My angel."

"I want you well rested." Her right hand rose to trace your right cheek bone. "I want you to be healthy." You read the concern in her eyes.

"I love you." You choked out.

Her hands cup the sides of your face. "I love you to. But Carol; I know how tired you are. You are working forty hours a week. More when you are needed. You come home and make sure that I don't over work myself. You over work yourself on making me happy." Her fingers gently trace both your cheek bones; through your cheeks; to your mouth and nose. "You work ever so hard to make up for leaving me. You work ever so much to show me that you truly do love me."

Tears roll freely down your cheeks. "I have much to make up for. Much to prove to you."

Fierce fire entered her eyes. "You are here _now_. You have _chosen_ me to be your soul mate. You have chosen to allow _your heart_ to have what _it wants_. You have _chosen_ to be yourself." Her hands felt hot against your suddenly cool skin. "I love you Carol. I have always loved you. I had forgiven you the moment when I realized that you left."

You chocked out the sobs that were pressing into your chest. You felt your body lowered so you were covering your soul mate's chest. Your head rested against her left breast. You could hear the steady and calming heartbeat of your angel's heart.

You felt her hot breath against the side of your neck. "You _need_ to forgive yourself; Carol." She kissed the side of your face.

You silently sobbed into her chest until everything went black.


	2. I'm so sorry for hurting you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your heart is going to hurt through out this chapter. Sorry. But I'm not sorry.

**Therese's POV**

You caress the side of Carol's face. You have lost count how many times your hand crossed her skin. After she had finally fallen into a heart breaking exhausted sleep due to her silent sobbing; you had remained awake. Protecting her. Loving her. Forgiving her.

Your eyes drifted towards the window where the soft early morning light was coming through. You prayed that Carol wouldn't awaken for quite awhile yet. You knew her exhausted body needed the rest. But you knew deep down in your soul that she would come back to land of the awake in a matter of time now. She was _that_ stubborn.

" _I know that I hurt you Therese." Carol looked tearfully into your eyes. Her hands trembling on your cheeks. "I know that I can never make it up to you. But please allow me to love you."_

_You rest your forehead against hers. "Of course I'll allow you to love me. I have never stopped." You whisper._

_She lets out a heart break mewl._

_Your hands raise to cup her face in between her arms. "I have never stopped loving you Carol. I have never stopped believing in you." Your gently wipe away the tears that were falling. "My love for you will never stop. There is no end. I don't even know where the beginning was …. it began even before we were thoughts in the comas."_

_Her eyes lowered._

" _Look at me Carol." You gently say._

_She begins to pull away._

" _Carol." You pull her a little tighter. "Please look at me. Please." You can't keep the chocked sob from busting out._

" _I'm so sorry for hurting you." She whispered. "I'm so sorry for hurting you." She kept repeating keeping her eyes lowered. You gently pull her against you. Wrapping your arms around her back; as you feel her arms shake in between your breast; as she fights to not to wrap them around you. "I'm so sorry for hurting you."_

Fresh tears run down your cheeks as you remembered that moment in time.

" _I'm so sorry for hurting you." You couldn't get her voice with those words out of your mind._

" _I'm so sorry for hurting you." You couldn't get her voice with those words out of your heart._

" _I'm so sorry for hurting you." You couldn't get her voice with those words out of your soul._

" _I'm so sorry for hurting you." You feel like you could be crushed with those words. With her voice. If only those words were never spoken. Not by her. Not by anyone. If only those words were never ever in existence at all._

You fought so hard to remain still in your silently sobbing. You didn't want to wake her up. Not yet. You didn't want her to see you like this. She would fully knowing that you were breaking due to her. You would die before you allow her to learn of this. You must get control of yourself. You must lock these feelings up tightly inside you. You couldn't allow her to be destroyed with this.

You had to be strong for her. As she is for you. You owe this for her.

" _Rindy_." She breathes out against your heart.

You gently stroke back her sweat strained hair.

"Therese." She whimpers.

"I'm here." You gently say into her ear. "I'm here."

 _"Rindy_ ," Your heart breaks at the loss in her voice.

"We'll get her back." You promise. "We'll get her back." _No matter what. Carol will have her child back in her arms._ Your soul cried out. "You'll have your child back in your arms." _Hopefully with me by your side._

**Rindy's POV**

"When can I see mama?" I look over at my father.

A very tight look overcame his face. "That's _Mother_ to you Rindy." His voice had a stiffness in it that you recognized.

"Mama wants me to call her mama." You said with tears in your voice.

"She's not here anymore!" Your father growled. "I will not have you call that woman 'mama' anymore. It's _Mother_."

 _If I call Mama 'Mother' around father then he'll be happy. But when I'm with Mama I can call her Mama … and I can still think of her as Mama._ "When can I see Mother again?" You softly asked once more.

Your father looked you straight in the eyes. "Not for a very long time."

Tears rolled down your cheeks. "Why?"

"Your mother is very sick right now Rindy. She's contiguous. I don't want you to get her sickness." He said in a tone of voice that you have never heard him use before. A tone that you have heard strangers use … but you didn't know what the name of tone it is.

"I want my Mother." You whimper. "When I'm sick she takes care of me. It helps me feel better. So I need to take care of her. So she'll feel better."

"You are not to be around her." Your father said in a harsh tone. "That's my final word Rindy."

"Is my mama going to die?" You asked in fear. Fresh tears rolled down your eyes.

"Mother!" Father growled. "No Rindy she isn't going to die." He stood to his feet. "Your mother is very sick. She can't be around you right now because we _both_ don't want you to get her sickness." He looked down into your eyes. "I'll make sure you can talk to her on the phone; Rindy. But not for very long. She must get her rest after all." He turned and left the room.

 _I want my mama._ Your arms wrap around your small waist and you leaned forward. _I want you mama. I only want you. Why are not you here with me? Why must you be away? I want you mama. I want my mama._ Your five year old heart broke even more then ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little Rindy's point of view. I have decided that although Rindy never called Carol anything but Mother in the book and the movie … I decided that Rindy needed to call Carol something more heartfelt then Mother after all Mother was the most common thing that children called their mothers in the 1950s; and it sounds so formal … I want Rindy to hold a very special place in her heart for her mother. So I wanted Rindy to call Carol 'Mama' so it holds very dear to both Rindy and Carol.
> 
> Right now this story is taking place JUST after Carol and Therese reunited in the Oak Room. Harge is still dwelling in his very raw hurt over Carol divorcing him; and choosing to fall in love with another woman. It hurts his pride. He wants to hurt Carol as much as she hurt him. Rindy is the way to do that. Unfortunately he is hurting his own child also. But parents back in the 50's never really took the time to truly tend to the child needs as they do now a days.


	3. A Lazy Saturday Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The love birds decide what they would like to do on this Saturday morning.

**Therese's POV**

You watch as Carol turned onto her side; even in her sleep she made sure that she was still touching your arm. You simply smile as you allowed your body to move with Carol. Your front was pressed firmly against her back. Your right leg slipped in between hers. You felt her hand move your arm a little up; and your arm was pressed in between her breast. You rested your chin against her smooth shoulder; just underneath her neck. "Sleep more." You whisper in her ear. "I'm here to keep you safe. Just sleep more my love."

You feel her relax against you.

You feel her soft heartbeat underneath your arm. You count how many beats that are keeping this beautiful creature alive. You are relieved at how peaceful Carol is right now. She's finally is at peace. You would love if you could keep her this way for good. But you knew that life would simply get in the way.

"My angel." You are brought back out of your thoughts at the sound of her voice.

"So you weren't asleep after all." You gently tasked as you placed a kiss against her neck.

Her lips twitched. "I have been up for a few minutes darling." She hasn't turned her beautiful grey blue eyes on you yet. She was content with looking at the window where the white curtain was gently swaying. Due to the window you two had left open during the night. Now that Spring has fully come to New York it was nice to allow the windows to remain open through the nights. As long as it didn't rain.

"Have you gotten enough sleep." You couldn't keep the worry from your voice.

**Carol's POV**

"I don't need to sleep any longer darling." You slowly turn to face your beloved angel. You didn't want to go one more second without seeing her beautiful face. "I love you." You trace her jaw line. "I love you."

She smiles. "I love you too." She leans down to meet her lips with yours. "Ever so much." She whispers as she pulls away.

"Take a bath with me my darling." You snuggle into her warm body.

She hummed. "It's Saturday. We don't have to be anywhere important today." She nuzzles into your neck. "A nice long hot bath with you sounds so wonderful. We can stay in as it gets to the warmth. As soon as the cold hits we'll get out."

"That sounds like the best way to spend a Saturday." You sigh into her neck.

"You remain in bed. I'll get the bath ready for us." She leans down and captures your lips with her own. You slip your tongue into her waiting mouth. She deepens the kiss as she presses her body tightly against yours. "That'll keep you warm." She smiles as she slips out of the bed. You watch as she slips your robe around her slim body.

**Therese's POV**

Turning around you smile down into your soul mates grey eyes. "I love having the feel of the clothes that have been on your body against my body." You tie her robs ties around your waist. "They keep me feeling safe and loved."

A lone tear rolled down Carol's cheek.

You wanted to climb back into that bed and wrap her into your arms. Never let go. But you knew that she needed the bath. The bath that you promised. So you turn and made your way to the bathroom. You shut the door behind you.

It was time to make the bathroom a peaceful, and relaxing state for Carol.

Kneeling down next to the tub. You were relieved to remember that you had cleaned it yesterday. You turn on the water allowing the water to run a few minutes until it was scalding hot. You turn the knob so that it remained hot …. but it wouldn't burn the human skin. You put the stopper in the drain and allowed the tub to fill slowly up. You thought of what scent you wanted to be part of Carol and your skin. The scent that was going to linger on both of your skin at the exact time. Lavender is the best one. It's the most calming …. and it has that special feminine scent. You would add rose petals to the bath.

After you poured the lavender scented bath soap into the water; you stood to your feet. Allowing the soap and water to mix together. You place the sandalwood candles around the tub. Carefully you lit each candle; and allowed the soft scent to mix with the nature air.

Stepping over to the sink. You look at yourself in the mirror. "I look horrible." You softly frown at your reflection. Sticking out your tongue at your face. "How can Carol look perfect even after a night of restless and heartbreaking sleep. While you look like hell on wheels?" You bemoaned. You open the cabinet and pulled out your toothbrush; and fixed it up. Time to get your teeth and gums healthy. Sides your breath smelt horrible. You were embarrassed that Carol had to deal with it. After you finished you tooth care; you put your toothbrush back on the shelf. You placed Carol's on the sink next to the toothpaste. You knew she would want to brush her teeth before getting into the tub.

You turned back to the bathtub and saw that the water level was just as it should be. You turned the water off. It was time to get Carol.

**Carol's POV**

As soon as Therese closed the bathroom door; you removed yourself from the warmth of the bed. You pulled her robe over your nightgown and tied it snugly against your waist. While your angel was getting the bath ready – you were going to get breakfast ready. With the amount of time you two planned on remaining in the bath water this morning …. you two needed to get some food in you. After all you knew once you were in that water nothing was going to get you out. You wouldn't allow Therese to get out either. You knew how stubborn she was when she knew you needed food in your system. When you needed anything to properly care for yourself.

You moved into the kitchen and thought that oatmeal would be a wonderful meal to enjoy in the bathtub. With strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, bananas on top. Your angel needed a good healthy meal in her. It wouldn't do for her to skip a meal. It wouldn't do at all.

Okay fine it wouldn't do for yourself to skip a meal either.

You placed the bowls on the food tray; making sure to two glass of orange juice. Along with the bottle of orange juice. You would add the milk …. but you figured that the milk wouldn't last all that long in the steamy bathroom. Orange juice as fine this morning. You place a thorn less rose between the bowls.

Carrying the tray into the bedroom just in time for the bathroom door to open.

"I made breakfast." You lean forward and kissed your angel on the forehead.

**Therese's POV**

You should have thought about making breakfast. That way Carol could have remained in the warmth of bed for a little longer.

"Come my darling." Her gentle voice broke through your turmoil thoughts. "This is an equal partnership." Your green eyes met her grey blue.

"I love you." You whisper.

"As do I." She responded with a loving smile. "Let me show you how much."

"You show me every single second." You step forward and gently run your fingers down her cheeks bones.

"My beloved." She whispers.

You rest your forehead against hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to split this chapter in two. Seeing how I plan on spending a lot of time for the bath. I have decided that the girls need a little calming moment before a lot of the emotional turmoil that is up ahead.


	4. Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note.

**The Price of Salt** just gotten onto my must read once a year list. It is also in my top fifty favorite novels of all time. I'm so happy that I decided to buy the novel on my Nook. I read it in one sitting. I'm going to enjoy ravishing my favorite selections as time goes by .

Also now that I have read **POS** it won't change much of what I had all ready planned for _Forgiveness_ POS or watching **Carol** ... which I will be doing in perhaps in the next month or so ... I still want to process the wonderful writing that Patricia Highsmith has given us > ... and although she written the novel over sixty years ago ... it still holds true in these modern times. .

The events of Carol's guilt in _Forgiveness_ is taken from the movie .

 


	5. Lost In Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the bath doesn't go according to either ladies plan.

**Carol's POV**

The tray was beginning to be heavy holding it still. But you would be damn if you would remove your forehead from touching your angel. There is no way in hell that you would willing lose contact with any part of her body the she allowed you to touch. Never again.

Her warm fresh breath soothed your skin. You were fully aware that your stale breathe was hitting her. But you refuse to move away. Her skin was touching yours. You were home. You never want to leave home ever again.

"Time to get water on you. I want you all soaped up before I have my way with you." Your eyes flash open quickly.

Therese simply moved away and smirked. "Knew that would get you to wake up."

"I think I may have been a bad influence on you." You smirk as you move pass your love into the bathroom. Your senses hit with everything she had done.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Her voice hit your left ear as she moved passed you. She took the tray from your hands.

You couldn't keep the snort of laughter in. You stale breathe floated up to you. It was time to fix this problem. You look over at the sink and saw that Therese had placed your toothbrush next to the tooth paste. Stepping up you turn the faucet on. Looking up into the mirror you found that you were looking a horrible mess. Your eyes were red and puffy. You knew you wore yourself into complete exhaustion weeping into Therese's chest.

You place the toothbrush into your mouth and used all your might to brush your teeth. Lost in your thoughts of when you awoke from a peaceful sleep the previous night. You turned and looked down into the peaceful child like face of your angel. All the guilt of what you had put her through hit you once more.

"...ol." You were lost in your very dark thoughts. You felt the pain in your teeth. Your gums. But you didn't give a damn. You hurt your soul mate. You deserved the pain.

A soft and gentle hand covered yours. You kept moving your hand in a furious fashion. But the hand kept covering yours. You finally realized that it was your angel's hand on yours. Your hand stopped dead still. Your eyes stare into her very compassionate green eyes.

"Oh Carol." She whispered sadly. You felt her hand under your chin.

She ever gently removed the toothbrush from your mouth. You watch with your eyes as she moves closer to you. You heard the faucet turn on. You blink as you felt a damp soft clothe against your gums and teeth. As she pulls the wash clothe away …. "There now that's better." She leans in and kisses the edge of your mouth.

You whimper.

**Therese's POV**

At her whimper you pull her against you. "I love you." You kiss her forehead. "I love you." You kiss between her eyes. "I love you." You kiss her left cheek. "I love you." You kiss her right cheek. "I love you." You kiss her forehead once more. "I love you." You capture her lips with your own.

You take in her whimpers.

You pull away as her last whimper went down your throat. "Come; it's time to get you warm." You placed your hand into her right one; gently leading her towards the bath tub. The bath that you had gotten ready just for her.

Turning you faced her once more. She looked back at you like she was at a loss. She was at a loss. But you knew how to find her again. You knew how you could help her find herself.

You gently tug at the tie of your rob around her waist. You allow the separate ties to fall to the sides. You gently push back the rob from her shoulders. Guiding it off her shoulder; and off her body. You didn't allow it to fall onto the ground. You left it across the toilet lid. You allow your finger to inch underneath her silk night gown. The one with long sleeves. Although it was spring and getting warmer. But it was still _early_ spring. You were relieved that she was covered up. Although it wasn't one of her warmest night gowns. But you kept her warm against you; with the blankets covering her.

Her eyes closed at the feel of your finger against her skin.

"Lift your arms." You spoke softly. She obeys. You gently tug her night grown up her body; and over her head. Your breath hitched at the site of her standing naked in front of you. "You are so beautiful." You breathed out.

Her eyes blinked open. "No you are beautiful. My perfect angel."

"I'm not perfect." You guide her over to the tub. "Climb in love." You gently help her get situated in the tub. You smile as she releases a relaxed sigh as she sinks into the water. You quickly remove your own clothes and join your beloved. You managed to slip in behind her and as she rests against your chest; you hit the button for the jets to make the bubbles.

**Carol's POV**

You slip your arm up around her neck. You moved so you were even tighter against her wet body even more than you were. You never wanted to allow one bit of her beautiful and perfect skin from yours. You had spent much much too long away from it. From her.

How did you manage to breathe without your angel? How did your heartbeat manage to beat a second beat in the world without your soul mate? How did it know that you just had to wait until you were in your late teens before your angel would be born? How could it allow you to make the choices you made once it knew your soul mate was alive?

"You say I think to much." Her low chuckle is in your ear.

You just pull her tighter against you. Your eyes slipping close as you try desperately to keep the tears at bay. You feel her warm smooth cheek against your own. "I love you." Her voice whispers over and over again. "I love you."

You couldn't breathe.

**Therese's POV**

You wrap your arm that was across her stomach a little tighter. You felt your skin at the end of your fingers. You scooted her closer to you. You honesty were amazed that there was even a silver of a distance left between the two of you.

Your hand that was removing the sweaty hair from the side of her face moved so it was resting in between the valley of her breast. Your palm was covering her rapid beating heart. You rested your chin on her shoulder; turning your face into her neck. You gently nuzzle against her skin.

The only thing you can do is hold her. Being silent. But still holding her. Safe in your arms. Safe against you.

**Carol's POV**

What was time? Indefinite continued progression of existence and events that occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future. (Or so the dictionary defines time).

How can you put a measure of this moment in that definition? How can you put any precious moment that you spend with your angel that was flung out into space in that definition? Even a moment such as this. As you feel all your guilt eating up your side. As you feel that you could be swallowed up in your guilt. In your self hatred?

You felt warm breath against your skin. You felt warm skin on your back. The skin you know even better than your very own. You knew the skin better than any map that you ever studied. You felt fingers against your ribs. Against your breasts. You felt the protective hand that was protecting your heart.

Your eyes open and you looked into the sea of green. You found life in them. You found love in them. You found timeless in them. Your hand slowly rose so it was resting against the right cheek bone of your savor's face.

She purrs.

You lean forward and captures her mouth with your own.

**Therese's POV**

There she is. She's coming back. You open your mouth to her questing tongue. You sink into Carol as she explores your mouth. Your tongue gently massaging the side of her tongue. You felt her move from your cheekbone to the back of your neck. You felt the slight tug. You happily moved forward. Pressing even harder against her.

Your hand on her waist tightens as you felt her heartbeat jump out of her chest.

She pulls away resting her forehead against your own. "My beloved." She whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to make the bath into a third chapter. This is quite honesty a first for me. When I spilt chapters I just spilt them in twos. This is my first threesome for me chapter wise. or and the other kind too.

**Author's Note:**

> This will be written in first person point of view. But I will be switching the point of view throughout the story.


End file.
